connections

versus

planes are better than girls except lil' miss topshop (HAHAHA) because they:

1. don't care if you ride other planes
2. have strict weight and balance limitations
   
3. allow you to do a 'touch-n-go'
4. kill you instantly
   
5. will most importantly never break your heart
   

by the way if i had to choose between rossa and flying, i think millions of my intelligent brain cells would be dead deciding whom to choose.

who cares, i shall have both then. i'll bring her up and then we'll -insert your fantasies-.

share-lay

one for the album.

i've not even stepped on the plate yet what more hit a home run? but no worries, patience is a virtue, just like fishing. although hooking a fish at 4am at pasir ris beach is more unlikely that hooking up with a girl and sleeping with her. baseball players wear helmets and protective equipment when they're about to hit a ball, and so having sex is like being a baseball player. make sure you get all the protective equipment ready before swinging your balls round the back. who says wearing a condom isn't the same as not wearing it? you'll still feel the highs, just like the batter who hit the ball out of the park and to end up in ecstasy. home run.

just don't hit strike three.

life's like tennis

• deuce - i'm a loser
  

• advantage - a big one in fact, cause i feel like i've just lost someone who really owns a big place in my heart

• match point - its all my fault
  

you're now reading the world's official stupidest boy's blog.

bloody happy sunday

it's all because of her. =)

happy saturday

the whole of my saturday was filled by two lovely young ladies. 10 things i learnt that saturday:

1) remember to remind khalies to bring her wallet if you are going to meet her.
2) shareena is very tall, like very.
3) hindustani movies have intermissions in the middle
4) khalies can tingtong over food. example: i feel like eating A. eh i feel like eating B. eh how ar?
5) shareena drives very well
6) when you owe someone nougats, they'll always remember
7) watching a 3 and a half hour long movie injures your butt
9) khalies doesn't wear socks
10) i looked handsome =)
additional 11) khalies and shareena are two gorgeous tkgs girls. the best.

happy friday

afzal and friend

i am proud to have passed on my knowledge about the use of the word tingtong to lil miss huishi. soon, there'll be a campaign going on telling us singaporeans to stop using the word 'tingtong', just like 'lah', 'meh', 'hor', 'sia' and etc, basically singlish, because it'll be too widely used. anyway it was nice meeting up with her after such a long time. =)

pedal to the metal

the exams are finally over. everyone can now heave huge sighs of relief.

the results don't matter, at the moment. what's important now is we put away our thinking caps and start putting on our party hats. just remember to put on a safety hat for your Mr. Richard when you're about to commit THE moral sin. every moan you make, every orgasm you fake, God is watching you. so think twice before letting the animal instint out of you.

the thought of perpetual occupance in hell scares the shit out of me.

happy holidays bastards.

boo

that's Cousin It from the addams family. does he remind you of someone? if you're thinking of paul twohill, you're spot on!

the singapore idol presenters and judges should stop emphasising on voting wisely. they should understand that the gen-y have hearing deficiencies due to ear drum bursting volumes on their portable music devices. so stop discriminating deaf people cause they're handicapped and they can't do anything about it. that explains why joker joakim is still in the competition since all the youths with hearing problems are voting based on who they think has the best looks.

jonathan on the other hand is an ah beng. singapore has many ah bengs. therefore with all of them watching singapore idol at coffeeshops all over singapore together and most importantly voting for him, it's no surprise he's able to garner so much support.

poor nurul, all the malays voted for hady. sorry babe.

crispy or original skin?

was blog-bouncing around last night and it occured to me that my blog skin is fugly as compared to the others. it's totally butt naked. look at the tabs on the side, they're not even edited. why? cause i don't even know where the hell i change all these shite. if i can't even edit the links and the other nitty-gritty stuff, what more the skin. in the first place, where do i find skins? let's assume i already know where to, i doubt i'll be able to find something that i like.

nevermine, a blog shouldn't be judged by it's skin. if you do, then you're racist.

what in the world was siti nurhaliza thinking when she tied the knot with datuk k? maybe datuk k hired a bomoh to cast a spell on siti so that she will fall in love with him. he is the envy of all the mats from tampines to boon lay to woodlands all the way up to teregganu. why go for an old man who's married with children, whose sexual drive is in neutral gear and with no looks at all?

lessons learnt: 1) love is blind
2) siti nurhaliza is a tingtong. on the wedding invitation cards it read : sitingtong nurhaliza

the belles

your tingtong inventors

i shall write a letter to mr longman, mr oxford and mr webster with regards to adding a new wordto their dictionaries. the word is 'tingtong'. it was invented by yours truly and his lad (above picture).

tingtong (noun) : a person or thing that drives you nuts, or she herself is nuts. does not apply to guys. "my friend's girlfriend is a tingtong."

tingtong(verb) : when a girl thinks deeply, emo-ing especially. starts complaining to you about everything, number one on the list is love. "afzal how ar? i'm tingtong-ing now", "afzal can i tingtong to you?"

to that vjc science turned nus arts student, this entry is not about you. =)

my neighbour

which other partner can be my neighbour other than our very lovely princess elly? yes elly lives just a few blocks away from me. it turns out that i know her brother too.

her highness is someone very smart, witty, talkative, full or sarcasm and pranks, bar skills and last but not least, pretty, when she's out of work clothes. when she came by last saturday she was looking hot in her tube top and jeans. *wolf whistles*

i shall elaborate more on the pranks part cause that's the part of her that i can remember most. she's always up to ashton kutcher's antics by putting ice down your back while you're steaming milk, make you take the CDs from the pos counter and run into the backroom while you're taking a bite out of the marked out food and say 'i need help it's busy outside!' only to find out there's no customer. of course amidst the play elly is a very good barista and partner. her knowledge is so wide that she knows almost everything you ask her. working with her is never a chore cause things run smoothly when she's around.

moving on to the personal side of elly. from what i can see, she's a very compassionate person who thrives to take very good care of her family. our royal higness is a very filial daughter and an even more caring sister.

finally, elly speaks with a whole lot of sense and intelligence.

familiar faces

on the way to school today i happen to be standing beside three chics so much so that i put down my psp, put on my shades and started checking them out, discreetly of course. one of them looked very familiar but i just can't remember where i saw her.

on the way home today after work in the cab, i said to sam," ohh now i know why she kept looking at me like she's seen me before!" the reason is simple. it suddenly struck me that she was one of the customers that i served last saturday. she bought a grande chocolate cream frappucino as well as an oreo cheesecake. since she was nice and pretty, i made the drink with tender loving care (ugly and mean customers deserve sewer-tasting drinks by the way). i kept an eye on her while she went back to her seat to join her friend. she then tasted the chocolate cream frap and i could read her lips saying 'sedap'.

it's times like this that your job's worthwhile knowing you made someone's day. hope to see ya again pretty lady! =)

egress

imagine the absence of the internet in our lives today. inconvenience of every sort that you can think of will set in. as a student, this means having to browse through hundreds of books in the library and skimming through another million more words to find suitable content for a project or an assignment. on top of that, there'll be no such thing as copy-and-paste cause you'll have to either write the information down in pen or type them out on your pc or laptop. porno lovers will have to resort to buying dvds from your friendly neighbourhood beng selling pirated x-rated dvds at a nearby void deck. the existence of msn messenger and meeting new people online will perish from the face of this earth. there's an infinite more number of inconveniences and consequences that will follow with the disappearance of the internet but since it's still around, i'd like to share with you what i just came across a few days back.

there's this site which sells used military stuff and what caught my eye was that it was selling fighter plane ejection seats. how cool is that? when i grow up, all the furniture in my house will be ejection seats. piss me off and i'll pull the ejection handle from your seat and off you go straight to the roof of my house. but too bad the ejection seats that are being sold have their explosive cartridges removed. anyway they're real life stories where people get ejected accidentally and the victims are usually the maintenance crew. therefore when you see anything yellow and black or red in a plane, it means 'please exercise more caution with this'.

any girls out there willing to be my co-pilot? once you're in my cockpit, would you like me to eject? =)

do i scare you?

why is it everytime when i'm studying somewhere, there'll be this eye candy who'll distract me from studying? not that she's purposely seeking attention so that i'll study her and not my notes, but i just can't help staring. i must study in a place full of guys the next time. the worst place, if ever i could, is to study at topshop wisma atria. haaaaaaaaahahahahaha.

bye!

life is cool

life can be bad at times,

but it can also be good .

fucker pilots do it best

everyone seems to be caught up with 'click' the movie. personally i dislike movies with endings like the one in click. the weird thing is that i watched click, a romantic flick, with a bunch of guys. we're all straight by the way. we just watched it to let the love and compassion from deep inside of us get discovered. anyway the any movie turns me off when it ends with 'it was only a dream'.

now everyone's msn nick is: will you still love me tomorrow morning?

it's getting kinda irritating when everyone's asking that question. so i'd just like to answer: NO NO NO NO NO NO!

random, i'm almost done completing need for speed most wanted.

fishermen's friend

handphones have become an integral part of our lives. they are invented primarily for telephone calls and to send text messages. i don't see why people will go to large extents to get a handphone with inbuilt video cameras and whatever else that the tech savvy geeks have been coming up with. from my point of view, i don't really need a handphone. what more a handphone with all the latest enhancements like video calls or high mega pixel cameras and paying a lot of money for it? is it really that worth it?

gotcha

the last entry was just a hoax. there's no way i can cut myself off from civilisation. i am just too personable and popular.

bumped into someone in school before my paper started and she sms-ed after that to wish me luck for my paper and called me handsome. hehe. she definitely made my week! =)


anyway, the world's most boring blog.

broken wings

good evening ladies and gentlemen this is your captain mud speaking. we will be arriving in changi international airport in approximately ten minutes. on behalf of the crew and mudstar airlines i thank you for choosing to fly with us. it's been a pleasure being the captain of this flight but just like all things, everything has to come to an end.

dear readers of this blog, thank you for visiting my blog. this will probably be my last entry. and just so all of you know, i will not carry my handphone with me wherever i go. i will not be online either. the only time you'll see me is at work or in school. other than that, i shall be uncontactable. i am going underground. i love you guys!

g'day!

above all

if only i can just leave everything behind now and cross a huge pond to learn how to be an eagle.

crash dummy

i am going to crash lectures at all polytechics before i graduate. my friends are all scattered among the different polytechnics so crashing wouldn't be a problem.

first up would be nyp. i'll need mushroom's help in this. if it works out, i'll get to see tammy right in front of my very eyes. maybe i'll tell her "hey nice home made videos. gotcha!".

next on the list would be np. np stands for no problem so i shouldn't face any difficulty camouflaging as one of their students in the lecture theatre. i intend to crash one of the mass comm lectures. i just want to know what it feels like sitting in an ASS comm lecture where everyone supposedly speaks queen's english.

last but not least, to save the best for last, i will be crashing the communications and media management lecture in temasek poly. i think that's what the course is called. my bestie farie will smuggle me into the lecture and i will enjoy myself in the company of hot girls.

eh i forgot all about republic poly. i heard they have no lectures so there's no point crashing. neither do i have a laptop. i'll be sticking out like a sore thumb there.

quit abolishing singlish

we're always reminded to be proud to be singaporeans, but why is it never 'proud to be speaking singlish'?

time and time again we're encouraged though thankfully not at knife point, to speak good english. i do not give a damn about speaking good english. what do we get out of speaking good english? the aunty at the coffeeshop and the uncle selling fish at the market won't understand you if you speak proper english. example: i would like to have a cup of hot tea please. the aunty would probably look at you with her jaws hanging and say: simi taichi?

BE PROUD TO SPEAK SINGLISH. THERE IS NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. if the irish expect us to understand their thick accents and slang, why can't they understand if we talk like this la alamak stupid ar the irish.

yes i understand that good and proper english should be spoken when dealing with foreign clients, especially ang mohs. but only in business correspondence that i feel should we speak good english. amongst ourselves, just speaking singlish la.

we are singaporeans. we are a special nation. be proud of who we are. when we go overseas, speak singlish, eat with alot of sound and dig your noses in public! that way people know we're singaporeans! we're a small dot on the map but we're going to make singapore be seen and heard!

my school project. i am proud of it.

i don't know why people get all excited over fireworks. they stand there packed like a can of sardines waiting for hours to just watch fifteen mintues of explosions in the sky. those attached think they're romantic. what in the world are these people thinking? the only thing that i see in fireworks is that it's just colourful lights that brings together with it a loud bang. romance-wise, how romantic can it be? maybe you should be in lebanon right now sitting on top of a hill on a clear night with a pair of night vision goggles and you can see hours worth of fireworks shooting all over the place. but they're missiles instead.

thus in conclusion, fireworks are a waste of time because you wait for hours only for a few mintues of enjoyment and unromantic because how can colourful violence be? you must have a violent partnership then. you probably keep handcuffs and whips at home. but seriously, watch out guys cause if your girlfriend likes fireworks, it means she likes violence. she might be hiding a handgun in her handbag.

FOR YOU, A THOUSAND APOLOGIES

OMG KHALIES I AM SO SORRY I WISHED YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY WITH ONLY 1 HR LEFT IN YOUR DAY.

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY THEN. I OWE YOU AN OUTING.


(does this count as an entry for you?)

bon voyage

a fish friend of mine is going to thailand tomorrow. i am envious for the fact that while she will be shopping like mad in the busy streets of bangkok, i'll be in school submitting overdue assignments and sitting for a test that's worth 40% of the total module weightage.

oh well dory have fun. keep away from the bapoks. you'll never know what might stand at attention underneath that skirt of theirs.

bye! make sure you don't board the wrong airplane. you might end up in iraq.

ageing population

it's national day today. i don't even know how old singapore is. so what has another year of independence brought us? just an increase in bus/train fares, erp charges, gst, coe and a few others.

in a years time, i'll be defending the sovereignty of my country. God help me. i'll be fighting for the lives of people worth dying; ugly and scum-of-the-universe customers.

hey sexy

hi shareena. thanks for reading my blog. i am jealous of the fact that you can drive and that you are a few millimeters taller than me.

most importantly, i do not like khalies that way. =)

that's cause i like you that way. OK KIDDING. all the best in uni.

you gotta be kidding me

if there was a competition to see what on earth has the most acronyms, the hands down champion would definitely be the substitute for women, the airplane. there's at least a million and one acronyms in an airplane's systems. trust me, you'll never find more acronyms anywhere else than you would in an airplane.

today while studying i came across this thing called EEC which means Electronic Engine Controls. it's a super smart computer that controls the required performance of the engine. i shan't go any deeper cause i still don't quite get how it works and it'll bore all of you to death. anyway i still remember my lecturer telling us that the United States Air Force's latest inventory the F-22 Raptor's (above picture) EEC can perform tens of millions of calculations in ONE second.

utter insanity.

don't test my patience

the night out with the boys was excellent. fireworks, dinner, midnight movie. how romantic.

khatib fc is back with a bang after thrashing their opponents 8-1 this morning.


p.s. i love her.

someday

dear someone, if only you knew how much i always miss you.

is this it?

i quote my ex sembawang rangers manager: we can be nice if we want to, but we can also be bastards.

till today, it's the best piece of advise a rich man has ever told me.

many don't know this about me but i believe in doing things the right way and only one time, the first time.

nincompoops

my second last semester in poly is having it's end of days and yes i vow to end my polytechnic education next february. i want it to end soon but yet i don't want it to end. get the jist? if you don't then you're probably going to graduate from wherever you are when singapore makes it to the world cup. ok i'm kidding. anyway i've been through many hurdles and obstacles throughout these 5 semesters and to fumble now is to just shoot myself in the foot. time and time again i've been reminding myself to just give it my all for these last 2 semesters; get some As to at least make my diploma look more presentable especially in a job interview (unless you're working for starbucks then all you need is a mona lisa smile and the makings of a the world's most patient person).

speaking of which, i just don't know why people just can't tell us the size of the drink that they want. like for fuck's sake that'll save us alot of our saliva and our breath if they at least say the size of the drink that they want. all they go is i want a latte. hello? what size? if they can go 'hey i've got a dick and it's HUGE', why can't they also say 'hey i want a latte. a large one' ?. what a bunch of fecking eejits. the next time a customer says the drink without the size, i'll tell him i'll have to give it to him in a plastic bag cause 'sorry sir since you didn't mention the size that you want, it's by default in the coffeeshop takeaway plastic bag'.

wishing upon a star

i wish for different things at different times all the time.

when i wish to be in australia: i just can't stand the sight of you

when i wish to be handsome: i want that hot chic to notice me

when i wish to have a lorry: i wanna fucking knock down that cocky mat motor

when i wish to be 16: yesterday just held better days

when i wish to be 28: i wonder what my future will be

when i wish to have YOU: i wish you'd want ME too =D

of all people, it has to be you

train rides are like sex. every ride is different. some are better, some are worse. some smell nice, some smell like fuck. some are quick, some are slow. some are bigger, some are smaller (seats and breasts). some are hot, some are cold. some are wet, some are dry (rainy days). some are noisy, some are quiet. some are new, some are old. some are bumpy, some are smooth. some are boring, some are fun.

as for me, train rides to school and home won't be the same anymore. please don't board the last cabin.

oh i know her full name! =)