take the lead

ok we got 3rd place for the street soccer competition.

i think i know too many people in school. just before i went to queue up to buy food during lunch, i had to stop by and have a small chitchat with 3 groups of people, not including all the hi-bye people that i came across. in all, i spoke to at least 10 people. news was also spreading around school that i was given the marching orders from last friday's game. all the reactions were the same; disappointment and disbelief.

strawberries and cream frappucino is pure indulgence.

suddenly i miss robyn.

phuturistic

it was a night to remember. a night worth a thousand arabian nights.

bollocks

i bowed out of this year's singapore poly students' union street soccer competition in a disgrace. as a captain of the team who's supposed to lead the team tactically and especially discipline-wise, i got red carded for two yellow card incidents which i believe did not justify to my actions. call it biased refereeing and 3/4 of the people witnessing the tournament will agree with you. it's sad to see an anti-climax end to an action packed end to end stuff game. although i scored two goals in the game, i wished i'd rather not be sent off than to score.

but your casanova here wouldn't let that happen. he marched out of the court showing the referee the royal salute _|_ and shouted at him to FUCK OFF! he was then banned for the rest of the tournament ( nothing to do with the final salutations) and in this story, there is no happy ending.

all the best to the team playing in the semi-finals on monday. you guys can do it. majulah famous white jersey!

feck off yis bloody wanka!

gentlemen and players

i miss my secondary school days. taking the early morning train with the lads and running all the way to join our class for morning assembly to avoid being sentenced to 10 rounds around the basketball court for latecoming, sitting outside of malaytary( malay + military) class completing our long overdued homework and basking under the sun half naked chasing a ball and trying to make it go between two school bags.

without fail whenever we meet up which is very seldom though, we'll always talk about our malay lessons. sitting in one was like being in the navy seals. you dread attending the class and you leave it a broken man. my malay teacher is a female, very old and loud, stout and an ex-captain of the army. she's like miss trenchbull in matilda, except she's muslim. oh well, i'd write a novel about my secondary school days when i'm enjoying the fruits of my retirement in the future cause if i were to write it now, i'll just crash blogger.com.

how i long to live my secondary school days again.

your player,
afzaldinho 10

the maid

it's the time of the year again when you gotta watch your step each time you step outta your house. the smell of joss sticks and incense being burnt fill the air. different offerings from oranges to candies lay neatly at the side of pavements. the nights will be lighted by burning bonfires of various paper replica offerings like cars, houses and especially hell currency.

in case you've still not figured yet, or your neighbourhood is kabul, then it's the hungry ghost festival here again. this time, it's two months long. how do i know? my lecturer was talking about it in class. he said something else which moved everyone, the ghosts too i think, "how come we only burn hell money during hungry ghost festival? would you like it if i gave you allowance only once a year?".

in the midst of preparations for my exams, i'm distracted by novels that i've either bought or loaned from a friend. i've just finished reading 'kite runner'. go read it. it's one of the best books ever. it made all the other books i've previously read seem insignificant in the world of literature.

your kite flyer,
ace

morning glory

after a hard and long day at work or school, the last thing you wanna hear on the train is some asshole playing his handphone's mp3 function on loudspeaker. firstly, nobody cares what you're listening to because we're singaporeans we don't give a fuck about you; if you're pregnant just jolly well stand till your destination. some are just trying to show off that "oh i listen to indie rock okay. i'm cool!". others simply are poor to the deepest abyss of the world that they can't afford to buy a pair of decent earphones. they may have earphones but choose to play the music on loudspeaker so their friends can hear along too. but they forget, that they're other people as well in the train who'd rather read a book or the papers or just doze off to dreamland and not hear stuff like "yaw wassup ma nigga shizzlemafizzle yeah yeahh". my gawd playing your music aloud is already bad enough, what more senselesss songs like those by ying yang twins.

please spare a thought for others on the train. by the way i hate to admit it but it's the malays who are usually the ones playing the music on loudspeaker. i wish i was caucasian.

sex by the beach

Chinablack (R.I.P btw) last december with the lads

in my opinion, consumption of any type of alcohol for the purpose of feeling tipsy is for losers. if you know how to party and enjoy yourself, you won't need the booze. but in your defense you might beg to differ that alcohol helps you feel even more in the mood to let loose. maybe you consume to just absorb the atmosphere? i repsect the latter as compared to downing glass or jug after jug of alcohol to the point you get so high that you don't even know what's going on around you is just a waste of money and i don't think it's fun anymore when you are actually in a trance-like state but you don't know what's going on (unless it's a ladies night then please go ahead get wasted and make some guy's day) ? ok wait that just changes the thesis (thanks khalies) of this entry. it should be 'in my opinion, consumption of any type of alcohol for the purpose of getting so fuckin drunk that you don't know what the hell is goin on is absurd.'

oh well. it's just an opinion. so please drink in moderation if you do consume. do not drive too.

minister of sound,
dee-jaywalking aphrozal

yellow card

(Looks shit loads closer in real life)

to think i could end this semester without a warning letter, i actually received one last week for just one module. quite a remarkable achievement for the fact that i'm always receiving yellow cards for being independent and learning at home on my own. ok that was just bullshite cause i've just not been attending my morning class since the lecturer sucks to the core; i'm not learning independently at home but i do study for tests. he doesn't know how to teach. reading the notes on your own might not prove as futile as attending his lecture. and also i've been practising my telephone skills lately almost every night with a speshsome. heh. speaks for the fact that waking up early in the morning might prove a little problematic. no worries though i still make it to class. i should be SP idol since i'm too popular and also because i'm such a good role model to the hopeless out there.

anyway somehow or rather the school doesn't seem to recognise this form of independent learning. i know of certain lecturers who don't care about your attendence and the students take advantage of this oppurtunity to stay at home and help their mums with housework. but there're also certain cases whereby the students who have not appeared in class the whole semester end up as distinction scorers. i intend to be one of these students. =)

elfe baby

tv host: chang siew lee
guest celebrity: afzal travolta

csl: welcome to tonight's edition of 'how well do you know your partner?'. on tonight's show we have afzal as our guest. *applause* thank you afzal for coming down today.

afzal: my pleasure. thanks for having me over.

csl: ok tonight we'll be talking about your partner elfe. first things first, what do you think of her?

afzal: oh i absolutely love and adore her to bits.

csl: okay. why's that so?

afzal: i don't know? she's just so nice and personable. i guess anyone who meets her will just fall in love with her. *giggles*

csl: i see i see. so what is she to you?

afzal: hmmm i see her as an elder sister. although i think people might mistake her for being the same age as me cause of her two pony-tails which make her look cute and younger.

csl: okay. anyway that is all. GO BUSS NOW!


-the end-

long overdue

thousand apologies to that someone for this long overdue entry. right let's get straight to business. this entry is all about m-i-a. not missing-in-action but rather mee-yah.

mee-yah is anuder one of dem partners at wisma mun. me is got to know 'er on da first day of work at whad we kol our 'ome now. it is our dird place. anyway mee-yah sista is much olda den me mun. she is 26 yars old. bud 'owever she is lookin fine like a 18 ya old gurl. very pretty and it's no wunda so many of dem guys are crazy over 'er. she is quite shord but like dem always says good things come in smull packages mun. i believe dat dis is true. mee-yah sista is very nice and kind towards me. she is taking good care of me ut work. do nut mess araound wid my sista cause i will mess wid you. she is very seriouas wid 'er work. does nod tole-rart any noncents. but sometimes she is arls0 quite playful and we do kid araound. i always look forward to workin wid 'er cause it's fun. me is sometimes 'er bitchin partner. oh ya before me forget, thunk you for your present. me is greatly appreciate it. =)



i hope you will like dis entry my sista. till we meet again. peace out.

your reggae mun,
aphzal marleigh

in homage to mushroom

i guess due to the large popularity and number of hits on my blog, mushroom feels left out and envious therefore she wants to have a slice of my fame. so here's an entry dedicated to her.

be forewarned that the following is based on a true story at starbucks wisma atria and a great deal of care is put into writing this story as accurately as possible. however some may be untrue due to poor research. it that case, i apologise for providing false information. please do not sue me. i earn $4.50 an hour only.

mushroom is not a mushroom. she is human. she doesn't look like a mushroom either. if she does, that means she'll look like a dickhead. but no i assure you she's very human looking indeed with shoulder-length tresses, a pair of eyes, boobs and ears, a nose and an especially big mouth. sometimes i feel that wearing of ear plugs is mandatory at starbucks wisma due to the noise pollution caused by our loudhaler. maybe it's just me since i have sensitive ears (so don't bloody talk behind my back cause i'll catch you and put whipped cream under your armpits) . mushroom is my colleauge at work. she's a very good servant of starbucks coffee; never failing to put on a smile for the customer no matter how fucked up he or she is. adding to her good service are her well-prepared drinks. i don't know how she can always smile all the time when i on the other hand will develop cramps at the back of my jaw and the area below my eyes when i smile too much. mush doesn't except anything except standards; although everyone else there does too. a pity to our vegetable/root cause she seems to attract all the pain-in-your-arse customers. but credit to her for handling them well. if it were me, i'd probably (you fill in this blank) . i think this is enough about mushroom. oh by the way she has a boyfriend but she believes in being attached but always available? i made the last sentence up.

for the record mushroom, sex is better than flying. happy?

from,
general ka-ra-meh mar-chi-ya-to

famous white jersey

it's no wonder our world is divided into two extremes. one of which is wealth. the rich are filthy rich, the poor are measly poor. there's this saying, the rich get richer, the poor get poorer. but let's make this world a better place for you and i by changing it to the rich get richer, the poor can steal from the rich. that way the gap between the people who grow money on trees and the people who worship one cent will reduce from the size of the grand canyon to the singapore river.

i think tattoos are cool. but my religion forbids me from turning my body into piece of artwork. therefore i swear to abstain from having even a single dot of tattoo on any part of my body. i have quite alot of background knowledge about my religion ok? but let's just say i were to make one, i can safely bet that my parents will take the bluntest knife they can find and skin me alive. either that or they'll drag me by my hair and put me on top of the stove and burn the tattoo away. i'm also not surprised if they were to chop off the part of my body that has a tattoo. omg i can't imagine if i were to tattoo my neck. then they'll just chop off my head.

we need to review our telly viewer rating guides. tennis matches featuring maria sharapova should be rated r-21. go ahead and try this. watch sharapova play, then close your eyes. what do you hear? you hear repeated moans of orgasm after she hits the ball. doesn't that sound wrong enough to you? she hits the ball and then moans in orgasm. i've come up with a theory to why she hits the ball so well although she's of small physique. each time before she hits the ball, she imagines that it's the testicle of her ex-boyfriend who was a cheat coming right at her and therefore with all the power and might available in her petite figure, she hits the ball at amazing speeds and spins. so now does that explain why even someone so small sized can hit a ball faster than your dad's toyota? careful guys, don't date tennis players. she might well be imagining hitting your testicle if you've done anything wrong to her. aggravate her more an she might just smack your balls for real.


cheers,
tiger beer

three fast three furious three blind mice

singapore is so much smaller when you own a psp. time seems to travel as fast as a fighter plane on full afterburner when you ride the mrt. you may even miss your stop while drowning in the entertainment of your psp; happened to me a few times. i think if you were watching porn on your psp, although highly not recommended due to the large display screen, you may probably end up in jurong east if you were intending to alight at woodlands from orchard. anyway i uploaded too fast too furious 3 tokyo drift on to my psp this morning and watched in on the way to meet a friend. in no time i was at bugis. too fast too furious indeed.

the movie deserves 5 stars. 1st star: beautiful modified street racing cars. 2nd star: jaw dropping racing/drifting scenes. 3rd star: fit for mos/ zouk soundtrack 4th star: uber cool lead actor 5th star: this star is literally a star cause it's porn star- pretty actress. i don't know if she's a porn star but she looks like one. all in all, this is a movie to catch this summer.

hmm but i didn't see this part in the movie. so i shall spread the msg: please do not try this at home. our drivers are professionals. wear a seatbelt. obey traffic lights and speeding limits. please honk at hot chics.


mr traffic policeman,
sergeant need for speed

use your head

after a month or so of camping out in front of the telly at 3am, the world cup draws to an end and the world bows to the newly crowned kings of football, italy. and therefore the world falls into a deep post world cup syndrome be it good or bad. there'll be nothing to look forward to every night, countries who lost will be in a state of depression and angst, asians would probably have developed panda-like eyebags after sleepless nights with school and work the next day, punters either becoming millionaires or bankrupts and the dolce vita italians will be wasted on the streets of milan and rome partying their nation's victory like there's no tomorrow. but are the italians worthy winners? in view of their progression from group stage all the way to the finals, the answer is no. they only played against mediocre opponents. for example, beating australia in the 2nd round after a last minute goal and ukraine in the quarter finals. there weren't any punch in those games. but anyway credit to them for lifting the coveted trophy and therefore it's theirs to keep since this is the fourth time they're champions of the world.


i'm someone who doesn't bet on soccer matches or in fact anything. that's because the odds are forever against me. no matter whom i root for, i'll end up losing. if i had betted during the last world cup, my name along with 'owe money pay money' will be written all over the walls of my void deck and suddenly you see a million and one pig heads hanging on my door. congratulations to those who've made a fortune, sorry to those who lost. just like the world cup, we need winners and losers. for your info non-gamblers are winners cause they use their head and know that betting can get outta hands unless you know how to control yourself. speaking of using your head and controlling yourself, zidane showed how to use your head literally to a billion and one people at around 3.15 am this morning but unfortunately not how to control yourself since he headbutted some italian mafia dude.

i think phua chu kang should meet zidane and tell him: use your brain use your brain use your brain!


your cute and adorable bearista,
afzal

Sperman returns

do not waste your 2 hours of starbucks wage on superman returns. it was so yawn-inducing that i actually fell asleep a few times while the movie was rolling and my friend had to poke me infinitely to keep me awake. i've never watched a movie lamer than this. a superhero in a blue durex-tight costume with red panties on the outside is already enough to tell us he's probably gay. the few strands of curly hair on his forehead insists that he's jealous of harry potter's lightning scar on his forehead. popularity's of utmost importance in the entertainment business and therefore everyone's trying to shoot themselves to the top of the highest box office sales charts. but this movie's just trying too hard to be an appealing one that it fails so miserably and digustingly. anyway, this show's just retarded. superman has supernatural powers than enables him to do alot of things that only children will think of. yes i know you'll say it's just a movie but i can direct a movie better than that. even tammy's sexcapade was better filmed and more eyebrow raising. i think malays make better directors. that's cause public sex caught on handphone cameras is an abundance nowadays. some even in uniforms. but hey, you'd have to agree with me people would rather see a girl in uniform stripping to nothing than a faggot undressing into an even more faggoty costume. it's so tacky that it's not even worn in halloween parties.

the last game of the 2006 world cup finals will be played tonight. france vs italy. it's the axurri against les blue. both teams' first choice jersey are blue. fortunately none have red capes than enables user to fly or red underwear on the outside. good luck to both teams. use your superpowers to good use. do your country proudand citizens happy(winning the world cup calls for a public holiday).

bye.

it's a goal

why bother about tomorrow when the day's not even over yet? live your life one day at a time. let things come naturally. come what may. the future's not yours to decide.

well you'll have to agree with me that these are some of the things that aimless people tell themselves or others. we live in a world where requests or wishes do not drop from the sky onto your open palms. you have to have a goal in life. it doesn't matter what is it so long as you have something to look forward to and work towards. even "i want to start smoking and die by the age of 20" is a goal. you have to work in order to achieve your goals. doing nothing about it will get you nowhere. if you know you wanna die by the age 20 because of smoking, then you should start smoking 10 packs a day.

ok bye.

Why did god invent women when airplanes were so much fun?

i miss flying very much. it's been 7 months and 3 days since i've flown an airplane by myself. flying solo is the best thing in the world and it's the best thing that i've ever done with my pants on. being in control of a literally balancing beam (yes flying's all about balancing moments with respect to a datum usually the nose of the plane) is no easy feat but it looks easy cause those pilots out there are the best in the business and safety's of very important essence. that's why i get fucked (not literally this time) by the instructors all the time. 'oi what you doing?!, juboh, palah buto adjust the frequency la not the volume, fly the fucking aircraft la!' are some of the things i have to hear each time i fuck things up. but when you're all alone up there with the silence and only the roar of the engine ringing through your headset into your ears, the feeling is beyond words. all the hours of practise put into half or an hour of solo flying is infuckincredible. it's all worth it.

therefore, flying beats women anytime. except my mother ok. she's the bestest.


in summary, airplanes are better than women except my mother because:

God just made it that way. (if you dare say it's not true, it means you're saying God's wrong. do you dare to?)

Con Air

friend and i were talking on the phone last night. she suggested something rather peculiar but enticing. why not set up an even more budgeted airline since the aerospace industry is booming? we'd be able to give tiger airways and air asia a run for their money. all you have to do is own a plane and your passengers must own a parachute and know how to operate one. well this airline is special. it's neither comfortable to fly in nor is it for the faint-hearted. why? that's cause i'll fly above your destination kick your ass outta the plane when the time's right. yes i do not land the plane so deploy your parachute when you're outta the plane and land safely on the roof of your flat. in a matter of seconds you're home sweet home. no erp, traffic lights, traffic jams and traffic police. hassle free travelling at very low prices. thank you for choosing to fly with "you've got balls airlines".