i wonder if you know, how to be a mat motor

i need to start working soon so that i can go for another holiday, maybe patong beach again or krabi, before i get that dreaded letter from cmpb and it had better not be bloody last minute like 2 weeks notice.

there are 3 different letters that i can receive:

1) we cordially invite you to stay in our maximum security holiday resort on beautiful tekong island. accomodation and food is free. so do the clothes and haircut. we gurantee you'll be slimmer and fitter than ever and you'll leave with a nice tan.

2) our new chalets are now opened and it is our pleasure to have you as our guests. we will ensure that you have a very relaxing stay as past guests have commented that they have more than enough sleep here. the staff are also very nice.

3) as our hotel will be beside the cemetery, this will be a test of how big your balls actually are. here, you will learn to play with water and get to know alot of mats.